It’s the breakfast story, do you know it?

No luck.

It’s the story of a lame joke

Put on your boots.

This is the story of a penguin who breathes through his butt

One day he sits down and he dies.

What do you call a bat with a wig?

A mouse.

 

What does a snail say when it encounters a slug?

“Oh the beautiful convertible”.

Why are the ducks always on time?

Because they are in the pond.

What does a crocodile do when it meets a beautiful female?

He Lacoste.

What’s a pea with a sword versus a carrot with a sword?

A good duel.

What do you use to collect papaya?

With a fork.

Why aren’t fishermen fat?

Because they watch their figure.

You know the chair joke.

It’s so long.

It’s the story of a piece of paper that falls into the water.

He shouts “Help!” I don’t have a foot! »

Why are there no more mammoths on earth?

Because there are no more pappouths.

What is a strawberry doing on a horse?

Ensure Ensure.

It’s the story of 2 potatoes crossing the road.

One of them gets crushed. The other said: “Oh damn! »

Why do Belgians come to mass with soap?

For the Ave Maria.

There are 3 chicks in a nest, I want two. What do I do?

I push one.

What’s not a steak?

A watermelon.

This is the story of Paf the dog who crosses the road.

And bam the dog!

What makes you tone you?

A tanard.

What’s green with a cape?

A cucumber that imitates Super Tomato.

Who is the granny who scares thieves?

Grandma Traillette.

What do you call a dog that has no legs?

We don’t call him, we go get him…

What’s green, moves underwater, and makes a buzzzzz?

A hive sea kale.

Two eggs are talking:

– why are you all green and so hairy?

– because I’m a Kiwi, stupid

What do you call a premature baby elephant?

An early elephant.

What is a penknife?

A small fien

What is the coolest country in the world?

Yemen. Yeah, man.

What ?

Fire. It’s free for bald people.

Why do cows close their eyes while milking milk?

To make condensed milk.

A guy walks into a cafe.

It plowed.

It’s the story of a blind man who walks into a bar.

And in a table, and in a chair, and in a wall, and…

Why is there no ball on the Questions Pour Un Champion board?

Car Julien Lepers.

Yeah, well, it works less well with Samuel Etienne, I admit.

What is green, which spins very very quickly and which turns red?

A frog in a blender.

NEVER REPRODUCE THIS JOKE IN YOUR HOME, PLEASE.

It’s a guy who walks into a bar and says “Hi, it’s me!”

But in fact it wasn’t him.

Why do you always go to the bathroom with bread?

It’s to feed the W-C Ducks.

What is the difference between a rabbit and a plastic bottle?

They are both plastic, except the rabbit.

2 cows discuss:

– Don’t these “mad cow” stories scare you?

– Well, I don’t care, I’m a rabbit!

Who is smarter: the blonde, the redhead or the brunette?

Larousse, the dictionary.

What is green and growing in the garden?

A pooping alien.

What does a 200kg chick do?

PIOUUUU! PIOUUUU!

This is the story of a brioche that never went to winter sports

Because she didn’t know Pasquier.

How does a cat wipe its butt when it poops in the desert?

Do you give your tongue to the cat?

Do you know the history of the bunk bed?

It’s a story to sleep on.

Do you know the story of the navel?

– Non

– Glasses

Do you know the history of the chair?

It is folding.

It’s the story of a skunk who meets another skunk.

He said to him: “you can do it”

What is a hunchback without arms or legs?

A madeleine.

This is the story of a pink flamingo.

One day he tripped and fell.

Why do giraffes have long necks?

Because they stink like ass.

Hello ? It’s Jesus!

– But no !

– more yes!

A baby heron asks his dad: “What are we, kids?”

But no, we’re herons, little one, don’t hit us!

What is small, green, and very, very scary?

A pea with a bazooka.

What is transparent and running in a field?

A flock of windows.

What is yellow and what goes “crac crack”? ?

A chick eating chips.

What does an elephant have in a bar?

Many places.

It’s the story of a tadpole. He thought it was early.

But in fact he is a tadpole.

Why is the rabbit blue?

Because we painted it.

What do you call a deaf rabbit?

LAAAAAAPIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!!!!!!

Why should you take off your glasses before a breathalyzer test?

That’s 2 glasses less.

Why Mickey Mouse?

Because Mario Bros.

An egg calls another egg on the phone:

” – Yes hello ? If you’re not here in 5 minutes, I’m gone! »

Why does grandma know how to make good coffee?

Because that’s all she has to do with this old skin.

It’s the story of a seagull who shares a cake

So she looks like a seagull.

Do you know the story of the leaf?

She rocks.

What is white, cold, falls in winter and ends in ard?

Snow, asshole!

What is white, cold, falls in winter and ends in anger?

Snow, asshole. I have just told you !

Do you know the joke with two bullets?

She’s cheap

Do you know the joke with two bullets? (variant)

She’s terrible at tennis.

Do you know the joke with two bullets? (triple variation)

She kills.

What kind of melon makes milk?

The nipple.

How do you know when a tree is angry?

He’s got the balls.

What does a sommelier say when he is late?

Sorry, there were traffic jams.

What makes “poin-poin” ?

A panard

What does a hippie do when he wants to pee?

He peace.

What do you call a demonstration of blind people?

A Cannes festival.

Which crustacean is the lightest in the sea?

The clam.

It’s a blind man who walks into a bar

Fish this time.

What color is John Travolta’s car?

Grease.

What do toothbrushes do on July 14?

A toothpaste fire.

What flies and shines?

A fly with a gold tooth.

Why are the Bretons all brothers and sisters?

Because they don’t have Quimper.

What do you call an elevator in Argentina?

By pressing the button.

What are dolphin testicles called?

Pinball balls.

How do you recognize a politician who is lying?

His lips move.

(BUT YEAH IT BALANCES ON POLITICS YA KOUA IN FACT WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN I THROW A STONE IN THE FED UP LIKE THIS.)

A man and his dog are on a boat. The dog drops a crate, the man falls into the water and drowns. What is the breed of his dog?

A Pekingese.

In the maternity ward, a happy new father asks the nurse:

– Do you think my son looks like me?

– Yes, but it doesn’t matter, the main thing is that he is in good health!

A worried man addresses another:

– Doctor, I think I need to wear glasses.

– Yes probably since you are in a bank.

What do you call a dwarf who is a postman?

Un nain posteur.

What do you call Peter Dinklage?

A known dwarf.

(Yes ok I know we don’t really say dwarf but if we say “small person” admit that the valve doesn’t work at all. And a valve that doesn’t work is a valve that is standing still.)

A man who is drowning in a lake calls out to another who is passing:

« – HELP HELP !!

– You would have done better to learn to swim instead of learning stupid English! »

What is a sink?

A sink without o.

A patient addresses his doctor:

– My left eye hurts a lot when I drink my coffee in the morning.

– Did you try to remove the spoon from the cup?

Why do we paint a cat at Christmas?

To make a Christmas hat.

A mother chats with a neighbor:

“So, how long has your child been walking?

– It will almost be a year.

– Well, he must be far away. »

What is the best thing about Switzerland?

No idea, but the flag is a big plus.

What does a claustrophobic astronaut need?

A little space.

A grandfather discusses with his grandson:

“ – Grandpa, what is a tax return?

– It’s the opposite of the school report, when you’ve done well, you’re punished! »

What do they say at the funeral of an accountant?

That he meant a lot to people.

Coming back from the dentist, a girl and her mother discuss:

“So, your tooth still hurts?

– Well I don’t know, she stayed in the dentist’s office. »

A little cloud is walking with its mother, suddenly it stops:

“-Mom mom, I want to make rain rain. »

Who is the nastiest fairy?

Spanking.

Who is the tabloid press’ favorite fairy?

The miscellaneous fairy.

Which fairy likes to drink Hepar the most?

The fecal.

Which fairy is most deficient in magnesium?

The feverish one.

(You understand the concept, I’ll stop there, I’ll let you find the rest of the fairies hilarious, I have to go take a break, let’s scratch, kisses.)

A madman runs around a tree chased by a dog who wants to bite him. Another man comes and says to the madman:

“He’s going to catch up with you.

– No ! I’m ten laps ahead of him! »

What does a mother dinosaur tell her baby dinosaur?

A prehistory.

How do we recognize an innocent person who is about to be guillotined?

He is not guilty.

A cow and a lemon rob a bank:

– Lemon: “Not a zest, I’m in a hurry!” »

– The cow: “We’re not drinking anymore!” »

A little girl asks her father:

“-What happens to us when we die?

– We become dust, replies the father.

– So I think I have a dead person under the bed! »

A mother calls her son:

“Can you help me change your brother?

– Why, is it already worn out? »

A surprised father looks at his son?

“-Why are you eating ice cream in front of the mirror?

– Because I feel like I’m eating two like that. »

Two friends are discussing:

“So, what are you going to call your daughter?

– Mouse mustache!

– But anyway, it’s a rubbish name!

– Well, you called yours Barbara. »

The client asks the server, by consulting the map:

“-Boy, what do you confidently recommend to me?

– Another restaurant! »

What is green, what goes up and what goes down?

A pea in an elevator.

What is green at the bottom of the ocean?

A sea kale.

What do you call a drunk sailor?

A drunken sailor.

What type of currency do fish exchange?

A submarine.

(This way you have a 360° vision of humor in the submarine sector).

What is transparent, what is light and what smells like carrots?

A rabbit fart.

Snails are walking on the beach, suddenly they come across a slug:

“- Turn around, we’re on the nudist beach! »

Why don’t cows talk?

Because on the barn, it says: The Farm!

An employee comes to complain to his boss:

“Sir, my salary is not at all commensurate with my abilities!

– Yes, we know that, but we can’t let you starve! »

Why don’t elephants like computers?

Because they are afraid of mice.

A little girl asks her mother:

“Mom, what happens to cars when they are too old and too rusty to drive?

– Oh well, there’s always someone who manages to sell them to your father! »

A grandmother consoles her grandson:

“- But why are you crying, it makes you ugly!

– Well, you must have cried a lot in your life then. »

A young boy answers the doorbell:

“- Hello, we are doing a collection for the retirement home if you have things to donate.

– Yes, wait, I’m going to get grandma. »

What makes the mosquito bubble and stink?

A frog fart.

What is the difference between intelligence and parachutes?

None, when we don’t have one, we crash.

What is electricians’ favorite sport?

Karate, because they know all the holds.

What is a nife?

The fien’s house.

What is the strongest animal of all?

The turtle because it carries its house on its back.

(It’s not even a joke, just a scientific fact in fact. Yes because it’s good to laugh but we also have the right to take serious breaks in this ocean of humor.)

A father and son are on the bus when a lady arrives:

“Leave your place to the lady, my boy.

– But dad, I’m on your knees! »

Why don’t giraffes exist?

Because it’s a set-up.

A gendarme asks a driver he has just stopped:

“- Hello, how much did you drive?

– Only two, but we still have room if you want. »

A man asks his doctor:

“Doctor, how long do I have left to live?

– 10.

– 10 years ?

– 9, 8, 7… »

What animals walk on their heads?

Lice.

A police officer stops a speeding driver:

“- Papers?

– Scissors ? »

What is country yogurt?

A natural yogurt.

What do you call the driver of a hearse?

A pilot dies.

What’s the worst for a locksmith?

Put the key under the door.

What do you call a wand that can’t find its way?

French toast.

Do you know the devil’s joke?

She’s hell.

Do you know the joke about the 14th arrondissement in Paris?

She is Denfert.

(Little joke for my confident Parisians)

What do two yogurts say to each other in an elevator?

“Which dairy are we going to? »

What do medications feel like in a pill box?

They feel compressed.

Two ducks are talking:

– « Coin coin »

– “It’s crazy, I was going to say the same thing!” »

Two bullet points come out of the cinema:

One said to the other: “shall we go home on foot or shall we take a dog?” »

Two dogs are walking:

” Did you see ? A brand new street lamp! It’s worth a drink ! »

What is hard, white, with a red tip, and smells like piss?

A kilometer marker.

What is Smurfette’s bottom called?

Blu-rays.

Two grains of sand arrive at the beach:

“Wow, it’s crazy today…”

A man enters a restaurant:

– “Hello, do you serve noodles?” »

– “Of course, we serve everyone here, sir”

One day I made a joke about Auchan

But she doesn’t have a supermarket.

Two lions are talking

– “You have a beautiful mane”

– “Stop, you’re going to make me roar”

A camel says to a dromedary:

– “How are you?” »

– “Okay, I’m working, and you? »

– « He is bosse, he is bosse. »

Two mice see a bat passing by:

“Look, an angel! »

It’s two crazy people walking down the street:

The first asks the second: “Can I stand in the middle? »